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Frequently asked questions answered for Hawaii Swingers
Common Questions
Aren’t Diseases a problem?
They are
a major concern in this lifestyle to everyone, and that alone can help
reduce the risk. The fact that people are thinking about it, helps us
to take precautions. But we must keep in mind that even a condom doesn’t
completely eliminate the risk of most STD’s. It is up to each of
us to make sure that we know our partners, request recent test results,
and make sure that we have ourselves tested, and above all (even though
as I said before it doesn’t eliminate risk it does reduce it to
some degree) use a condom! It is also very important that if you have
a sexually transmitted disease that you tell your potential partners
before engaging in ANY sexual activities. Even if you had it previously
and think it’s gone many diseases stay with us for life, even though
we show no symptoms.
Is it normal to be jealous the first time you swing?
Yes. It
is even normal to be a little jealous every time you swing. We have
dedicated a section to this topic, please see Dealing with Jealousy
under basic swinging.
What kind of people are swingers?
All kinds
of people. Swingers come from all walks of life, all races, and all incomes.
One common bond is that they are interested in exploring sexual fantasies,
they are honest with themselves and others, and they tend to communicate
better with their partners than the average couple.
How do I convince my partner to swing?
First of
all, you must keep in mind that swinging is not for everyone. Before
you can try to convince your partner to swing you first need to look
at yourself and why you want to swing. If the only reason you want to
swing is so that you can "get more action", then you shouldn’t
even bother. That’s not what this lifestyle is about.
If, however, you want to swing because you want to help your partner
live out fantasies while living out your own, or because you want to
share the most special part of your life (your partner) with others,
then you can start looking at how to convince your partner.
You may not even need to convince your partner. They may already be
more than willing, all you have to do is let them know that you are.
On the other hand, they may not have ever thought about it. The first
thing you need to do is talk to them about your fantasies, perhaps leave
a swinger magazine lying around for them to find to stimulate a conversation,
or have them look through Swingers Board with you. Be open to any questions
that they may bring up and be prepared to answer why you want to do
this.
If your partner lets you know that they have no interest in the lifestyle,
then back off. Pushing them will get you nowhere. However, you can mention
your fantasies to them, if you can get your partner turned on to your
fantasies then you will have a much better chance of opening the lines
of communication again and the chances of taking things further will
increase.
Why is it so hard to find a female to join us?
The answer
to this question is fairly simple; supply and demand. There just
aren’t many single females in the lifestyle. Most females that
are in the lifestyle are half of a couple and many couples don’t
like to split up to play. The other side of the problem is that single
females (bi in particular) are the most sought after portion of the
swinging population. While there are more than enough single males to
go around, most single females either don’t know about the lifestyle
or just aren’t interested. Most of those that are involved in the
lifestyle were brought in by a previous boyfriend or husband.
Then what are we supposed to do? Don’t give up, and consider opening
your options. If you are looking for a single female to play mainly
with the female half of your couple, then perhaps you could look for
a couple with a bi-female and a husband who doesn’t mind watching.
But remember, this won’t be fun for long, eventually people start
to feel like they are being left out, of course that doesn’t mean
you have to swap partners. You could always let the women play together
then when they are done the guys can enjoy their own partners. However,
if you are looking for a female so that you can have a threesome, then
you will just have to be patient. It happens but you may have to wait
a while.
I'm a single male, how can I get involved in the lifestyle?
With Luck.
As I have mentioned before, as a single male, if you do manage to get
involved in the lifestyle then it is a privilege and requires the utmost
in discretion. There are couples out there what are looking for single
males, those are the ads you should answer. Don’t answer ads that
aren’t looking for single males. If you are good-looking, clean,
honest & discrete you will have the best chance.
Something else that will help you is if you can get a girlfriend that
is willing to swing with you, then you would be a couple. Many couples
look at it as "if he can’t even get a girlfriend, why would
we want him".
There are couples out there that are looking for single men. Guys that
are open and honest and not just out looking for an easy lay will have
the best chance at being accepted by these couples. I suggest that if
you really want to get involved in the lifestyle you try contacting
couples in your area that are seeking single men, and let them know
that you are interested. There are also many sites out there with swingers
personals and you should check out the various ones as different people
place ads on different ones. You should also check the club listings
for swinger clubs in your area that accept single males.
Please do not consider trying to get into the swinging lifestyle if
you think this will be an easy way for you to get laid. That is not
what this is about. This is about couples enjoying their sexual fantasies
with other people that cannot be acted out with just the two of them.
Since there are many couples that desire MFM 3-somes or where the husband
enjoys seeing his wife with another male there is a place for single
males in this lifestyle, as long as the single male in question realizes
what it is.
Ok, We're ready to go. How do we get started?
That depends
on how ready you are, and what you are comfortable with. If you want
to just jump in, then you might want to try visiting a local club in
your area. If you just want to get a feel for what kind of people are
in the lifestyle, then you might want to try an off-premise club. This
will give you a chance to meet people without feeling any pressure to
participate. If you are really ready to jump in and don’t mind
a little help, then you could try an on-premise club, there you can
not only meet other swingers but you can actually participate in swinging
activities, not that you will be required to, but you get the idea.
If you prefer things a little more one-on-one (or two-on-two) then you
might want to stick to placing and answering ads. You can meet great
people this way and you will have a chance to get to know them better
through communication before you even meet them face-to-face.
We are about to meet someone for the first time, where should we
meet, what should we do?
Meet someplace
neutral, a bar or a restaurant is usually good. Since bars can be a
bit noisy and crowded, restaurants are usually a better choice. This
will give you a chance to talk and get to know each other. Remember
to set up something with the people you are meeting so that you know
who they are. Find out what kind of car they drive, what they will be
wearing, etc. Make sure to set up signals with your partner ahead of
time, so that if either of you aren’t comfortable with the people
you meet you will know without having to flat out say "are you
interested in these people".
We made it through dinner, now we are ready for more.
Make plans.
You can either invite them back to your place right then and continue
getting to know each other, or you can make plans to see each other
another day. Invite them over to your place, or if you can’t or
don’t want to entertain make plans for a hotel room or to go to
their place. If indeed you all agree to carry on with your meeting at
another location it is important to express your boundaries with each
other. In most cases the guys do this while you ladies are in the powder
room. Just remember no matter what, that no means no. Even though every
thing may look like it’s a go, people can change their minds.
The couple we have met seems to want to move things a little too
fast
Things
should always move as fast as the slowest person involved. If you aren’t
ready yet, let them know. They’ll either back off and give you
time, or they’ll decide they aren’t interested in waiting.
If the latter happens, it’s their loss not yours. Swinging should
be about more than just sex and if they don’t see it that way,
then they are definitely losing out. Don’t allow yourself to be
coerced into a situation where you aren’t comfortable. If you are
feeling pressured, say "No, Thanks" then if they don’t
back off, it’s time to leave.
Should I let him talk me into swinging?
No, you
should not. If this is something you are totally against by all means
do not agree to swing. Another thing we have heard over the years is
" I'm doing this for him because it’s something he wants to
do". This is a BIG mistake, and can possibly destroy your relationship
or cause you to have bitterness towards him down the road.
On the other hand, if you find this to be in the very least intriguing
then by all means sit down and discuss your feelings and fantasies.
You can then decide what you both would like to try. This lifestyle
is purely for sexual pleasure nothing more. By giving it a try you might
be surprised at the effects it has on your own sex drive and your sex
life with your mate.
Why do couples what to swing if they’re happy together?
Most couples that swing have a very strong relationship and want to expand they’re relationship by honestly sharing each other's sexual desires and fantasies. They feel this builds a stronger deeper relationship.
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